Posts Tagged ‘musing’

Did you hear about the woman who died in coach on a British Airways flight and got a free upgrade to first class?

I guess those rabble rousers in Steerage got all uppity with a corpse in their midst.  What were they thinking?

It just goes to show you how different air travel is these days, when you have to actually drop dead in order to get an upgrade!

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IM’ing My Child

Posted: March 4, 2007 in Uncategorized
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I IM’d my youngest to go to bed a few minutes ago, and was greeted by the following auto-response:

I am sorry, for I am…at this moment… laughing evily at the idea of doom, made by me!
If you need me look out the widow to see a missle coming for you, duck, sweep the ash off you and read the note that was on the missle.
That will tell you my ID, name, and evil number… if this paper was blow up…too bad!
Warning!: missle MIGHT dostroy you, or crack your neck…
la la la, no one dostroyed in this room, ignore the smoke coming from the key hole.

While I’m happy to see he’s flexing his creativity, his spelling is still somewhat whimsical.  Then again, no worse than Sarah’s when we got married….  (But her grammar was — and is — better!)

Baby Talk

Posted: February 26, 2007 in Uncategorized
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In church yesterday, a baby started jabbering.  And then another.  And another.  And that made me wonder.

Did you ever notice that they seem to be having a conversation?  Sometimes, they even get into arguments and all start wailing at the same time.  But how are they communicating?  That’s what I want to know.

Next time you hear babies chattering in a silent crown, pay attention to the pattern.  Not the words, but the tone of the sounds they make, as well as the interplay between them.  It sounds exactly like a conversation in a foreign language you don’t understand.

Then I started wondering what the babies were talking about.

“Yo, Frankieeee.  You teething now?”

“You bet, Joshua!  Got me a Mickey Mouse with spiky-covered hands and feet.  You should try one.”

“Hey, you two!   You hear about that astronaut with the diaper?  That was sooooo funny.”

“Sure did, Melissa.   I messed my Huggies when I heard about it.”

“Catch you two boys later, okay?  Mom thinks I’m hung–MMMPH!”

Perhaps it’s better if I don’t know….

Damn Nude Cruises

Posted: February 22, 2007 in Uncategorized
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What’s that, you say?

I had two links up in IE: A Closer Look at Damn Small Linux and Cruise Articles – Nude Cruises and More: A Sailing for Every Interest (It was a link on the AOL news page, honest!  I was expecting a bait-and-switch, not a legitimate article!)

Anyway, they were both up in separate browsers when I hibernated last.  When I come out of hibernation, it takes a while to get everything in sync.  In the meantime, parts of each application get restored piecemeal.  So, lo and behold, I ended up — for a few seconds, anyway — with a browser title that said:

“A Closer Look at Damn Nude Cruises…”

Hee, hee, hee.

Back to Work

Posted: January 8, 2007 in Uncategorized
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I’m back from vacation, and back on the big job (which is over this week!).

I spent much of my vacation cataloging old computer parts, and was stunned to find I had FIVE working computer systems in the attic!  I restored them to “factory settings” with the intention of donating them to people that can use them (they’re all Pentium class machines); now I just have to find donors.  (Only four donors, though, as I took one into work to use as a Linux development machine for a while — I’ll find a donor for it in a few months when I’m done with it there.)  Anyone know of someone around here that can use them?

In the meantime, I listened to a lot of music.  And came across a lot of baffling lyrics.  Two songs stick in my mind a couple weeks later, so I thought I’d share them with you.

First up:  “Pour some sugar on me, in the name of love!”  My son, Robert, says I’m being too literal, but I just can’t get my mind around this.  I know, I know, sugar is probably metaphorical, right?  Still, if that sugar’s being poured on me, we’ve left the realm of sexy.  So it still doesn’t work for me.

It’s like that old grade school joke where you get someone to say, “Rubber balls and liquor,” in reference to a girl.  Hermaphrodites just don’t do it for me; neither does that joke.

But my favorite baffling lyrics come in a song played only at Christmas.  Yup.  “Do they know it’s Christmas?” has two — count ’em, two — totally, mind-bendingly inane lyrics that I can’t believe any self-respecting musician would pen.  I’m not knocking the intent of the song, which came out in 1984 to raise funds to help relieve the effects of the devastating famine in Ethiopia.  But, seriously, was it that hard to fact check just a little?

#1) “Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?”  Well, um, it sounds good in the context of a plea for help, but that’s about it.  Popular wisdom (which may have stemmed from the CIA Factbook) said that Ethiopia was about 50% Muslim and no Christians in 1984; if that was true then, no, they didn’t know it was Christmas, nor did they care.  More recently, ethiomedia.com counter-claimed that the 1984 Ethiopian census indicated roughly 66% Christian and 33% Muslim.  If that was true then, yes, most people probably DID know it was Christmas, even if they were starving.  Christians are like that; always have been.  Either way, it’s just a silly lyric.

#2)  “And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime.”  Last I checked, Africa’s mostly in the southern hemisphere.  That means Christmas comes in summer in most of the continent!  So, no, except at altitude, there won’t be snow in Christmas in most of Africa.  (In fact, a South African friend points out that most Africans don’t even have a word for snow!)  “But most of Ethiopia is at altitude!” you say, trying to defend the song, “and it’s in the northern hemisphere, too, you dope!”  Yes, that’s correct, which only goes to show that the lyric is even more inane, making blanket statements about snow like that for a continent large enough to span both hemispheres!   However, while Ethiopia is indeed north of the equator, it’s also solidly in the tropics, so there’s still not going to be snow, except at really high altitude.  (According to the BBC, “Occasional snow may fall on the highest peaks but there are no permanent snowfields.”)  It’s a silly lyric.

So there!

What are your favorite baffling lyrics?

On Vacation

Posted: December 22, 2006 in Uncategorized
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Hi.  You’ve reached the answering blog for Dan Hoyt.  I will be on vacation through January 7th.  If you’d like, feel free to leave a message at the blinking cursor.  Otherwise:

1) If you’re Christian (or just like to decorate trees and exchange presents every December 25th), Merry Christmas!
2) If you’re Jewish, Happy Hanukkah!
3) If you celebrate Kwanzaa with the full understanding that it was never an African celebration, Happy Kwanzaa!
4) If you don’t fit any of those categories, skip to the next step, which is…

Have a Happy New Year!

I was helping my middle-school son fill out his application for the science fair yesterday, and I had to answer questions on what would be used in the project.  Specifically: 

  1. Humans (for anything, even if just for surveys)

    I don’t recall The Kinsey Reports starting as a science fair project, but I guess it could have!  Seriously, I guess they science fair people just want to make sure nobody’s pulling a Frankenstein at their show.  That would be a cool project, though, don’t you think?

  2. Non-human animals with backbones

    That would be for David Naughton’s well-known London werewolf experiment back in ’81.  Got the cool experiments banned for the rest of us forever!

  3. Living or dead tissue of any type, blood, or blood products

    Hey, you didn’t think they’d forget to screen for vampires, did you?

  4. Any drug or chemical that is monitored by the government

    But not over the counter amphetamines.  So you’re free to design your very own meth lab science fair project!  How cool is th-{KABOOM}!

  5. Any germs, bacteria, fungi, or other dangerous living thing

    “Aw, c’mon.  I just wanted to show the effects of mustard gas on a few select classmates!  What’s wrong with that?”

  6. DNA or recombinant DNA

    And over here, we’ve combined the DNA of a frog with the DNA extracted from the 70-million-year-old soft tissue from a dinosaur bone someone just dug up last week to create …. wait a minute, that didn’t end too well in Jurassic Park, did it?

  7. Chemicals (anything other than water)

    See, now they’re just being discriminatory.  How are all the druggies supposed to participate?

  8. Welders or lasers or 220 volt (or higher) power

    Okay, I can see why a klutzy teen with an arc welder or an argon laser might cause problems, but 220V??  How is the poor French exchange student supposed to demonstrate exactly what happens when you plug in your 110V electric razor while visiting her back home?

  9. Firearms/guns

    Considering the general ban on firearms in high schools post-Columbine (my elder son’s high school had to close down the firing range in the basement!), why do they even need this?  Oh, yeah, because some fruitcake would try to enter a project with crossbows or powder rifles.  Same principle as the “hot” warnings on coffee.  (Although I doubt someone who doesn’t realize hot coffee is hot will be entering a project in the science fair!)  Hmmm … I wonder if a trebuchet qualifies as a firearm?

  10. Anything radioactive

    Now they’re just being ridiculous.  Kim Jong Il doesn’t attend my son’s middle school.

  11. Anything that produces radiation

    What?  Like a light?  They do realize heat is a form of radiation, right?  And I guess that puts the kabosh on any outdoor experiments during daylight hours.  That silly sun up there keeps pumping out harmful UV rays.