It’s the Zombie Apocalypse!

Posted: November 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

Since the election, it seems as though a lot of people have suddenly gone off the reservation on Facebook, Twitter and blogs. And some of you are asking yourselves, “Why? What happened?” Well, today’s your lucky day; one of those now-free souls is going to lay it out for you.

We have had ENOUGH of your crap!

For decades now, all you zombies have been berating us in public because we didn’t publicly evangelize the party line. For decades now, all you zombies have been telling us how we should think if we want to be part of the club. If you want to be an actor, toe the line or you’re blacklisted. If you want to be a writer, toe the line or you’re blacklisted. If you want to be promoted at work, toe the line or you’re blacklisted. For decades now, all you zombies have been parroting the party line without any thought whatsoever, proclaiming that you’re smart and anyone who disagrees with you is obviously wrong without even listening to counter-arguments, while simultaneously claiming that you’re “open-minded.” For decades now, all you zombies have been shouting, “If you’re not with us, you’re against us,” with complete disregard to the fact that this country is a melting pot of backgrounds and ideas, which simply cannot be reduced to a black-and-white line of right vs. wrong.

We have had ENOUGH of your crap!

For two major elections now, all you zombies have been posting endless tweets and Facebook screeds about how “democracy prevailed” in the face of “obvious vote fraud” by your opponents, while totally disregarding the staggeringly large number of actual reports of vote fraud that, if the votes were actually counted properly, would erase those victories, because there hasn’t been a single case of vote fraud that would benefit your opponents. For two major elections now, all you zombies have been projecting every single illegal and immoral sin you yourselves commit onto your opponents, even when they don’t make any sense. For two major elections now, all you zombies have been crying “racist” at anyone who simply disagrees with your point of view, even when it has absolutely nothing to do with race. For two major elections now, all you zombies have been creating websites to “educate” us on how great the economy is, despite what we can see with our own eyes and feel in our own wallets, spouting “facts” like the cooked unemployment figures, which you gleefully compare favorably to the pre-2009 figures, which were calculated so differently that there is no meaningful comparison! (In fact, if you calculate the current unemployment figures using the old methods – which is a meaningful comparison – the current unemployment rate is more like 15%, a figure that’s far more in accord with empirical evidence.)

We have had ENOUGH of your crap!

We’re not stupid. Some of us are highly educated; some of us aren’t, but that doesn’t mean we’re stupid (some of us even have certified high IQs). Some of us are doctors and lawyers and engineers and scientists and plumbers and electricians and steelworkers. Some of us are lowly cogs in a corporate machine and some of us are executives. Some of us are “liberal”, some of us are “conservative”, some of us are “libertarian” and some of us are “none of the above” or even unclassified. Some of us are evangelical, some of us are atheists. The point is, we come from every walk of life, circumstance and belief, yet all you zombies loudly decry us as a single stereotype.

We have had ENOUGH of your crap!

All you zombies have pushed us too far this time. Metaphorically, you’ve have been forcing your way into our homes and raping our children with your Marxist twaddle, and we’ve been putting up with it because we’re basically nice people who didn’t want to rock the boat for fear that we’d collapse in the water. But you just took an axe to the bottom of the boat in what we can only assume is a vain attempt to make the boat bigger, and now we know there’s nothing we can do to keep the boat from sinking any more. So, what do we have to lose? THAT’S why we went off the reservation all at the same time, the day after the elections.

We have had ENOUGH of your crap!

All you zombies act like spoiled children.

Everybody is spending money without worrying about the budget; I want to spend money, too! Buy me some stuff!”
Everybody is getting abortions; I want one, too! Buy me an abortion!”
Everybody gets free health care; I want it, too! Buy me free health care!”

But who’s paying for all the bread and circuses? Some of you zombies are already retired, so you’re not paying (“Hey, I’m getting mine already, what do I care if you do?”); some of you zombies are already on government assistance, so you’re not paying (“Hey, I’m getting mine now, what do I care so long as I keep getting it?”); some of you zombies are already wealthy enough that you don’t care if you’re paying (“Hey, I already got mine, why should you get any?”) . Some of you zombies have forgotten how even a small decrease in your net income back when you were amassing your wealth might have destroyed everything you worked for, but hey, that’s not your problem, right?

We have had ENOUGH of your crap!

We were exposed to the same Marxist indoctrination that all you zombies were. But we thought about it, realized the ideas were simply bad and eventually we grew up. (It’s funny how one never hears, “I was raised conservative, but then I grew up” from someone who isn’t verifiably lying!) History has proved, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that implementing Marxist philosophy always ends badly for the general populace. With the internet and modern methods of communication, there is a huge body of evidence easily obtainable that will show this. It is positively dumbfounding to us why all you zombies would vote for Marxism!

We have had ENOUGH of your crap!

We have tried to treat all you zombies like adults. Really, we have. But if you continue to act like spoiled children, we’re going to treat you like spoiled children. Instead of wasting time replying to your troll party-parrot responses with facts and logic, I propose we just answer with “#zombie” and leave it at that.

None of you zombies is worth our time or consideration any more. Run along now, the adults are talking, and we have a LOT of work to do the keep this boat from sinking.

Comments
  1. Is it possible? To keep this boat from sinking. The cliff beckons….shortly there will be free fall….

  2. Kitteh-Dragon says:

    ::stands on a chair, applauding and whistling::

    Thank you, Dan. Thank you. Righteous Rant, masterfully done.

    I don’t twitter, but I’m going to remember the #zombie, and use it often!

    Well done!!!!

  3. [...] Setting bridges on fire, now a family affair. [...]

  4. T J Mason says:

    Sarah and Daniel, wonderful both. Thank you and Godspeed.

  5. lisaginnz says:

    great rant! however, I’m thinking using common sense and logic is of no use – the left doesn’t understand and might never… good try though

  6. BikerDad says:

    But Dan, it’s not Marxist philosophy. It’s Progressive, or progressive, or maybe Democrat Socialist. No, no, no, it’s not Marxist.

    Really. (and FEMA is doing a bang up job with Sandy, and there was NO voting fraud in the 59 districts in Philly that didn’t record a SINGLE vote for Romney.)

    (I read a pretty good suggestion over the weekend. All the producers change their tax withholding to not withhold a damn thing.)

  7. odamae says:

    Thinking we should give everyone a free phone if they let us walk them in and hit the vote button for them. Hey, it worked for the Democrats!

  8. [...] It’s the Zombie Apocalypse! [...]

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